Scribbles

Grist for the Mill

Daily Prompt: Imperfection
by michelle w. on April 10, 2013

Imperfections — in things, in people, in places — add character to life. Tell us about an imperfection that you cherish.

This Daily Prompt has landed late in my inbox and I am away to my bed shortly with an early start to negotiate. What to write? What imperfection springs to mind in this moment? Something that I cherish.

All of it. All of the imperfection. I cherish it all. Every piece of broken me.

Call it Grist for The Mill. Compost in which to plant a seed for growth.
Every time I was imperfect, every imperfect thought, every imperfect deed, was an opportunity for me to let go of the ideal of perfection.The attainment of an elusive enlightenment. The road to Heaven.

To let go of the idea that I had to become something. Be somebody. Get there.

All of those imperfections, dancing vicariously at the edge of my mind, taunting me with a reflection of the lack of perfection that I am. All of them are who I am.

Perfect imperfection.

I said I cherish it all.

I lied.

I don’t. I want to but I don’t.

If only I could sit more comfortably with it. Accept it. Let go of the strain of trying.

I struggle with the lack of perfection in me. I criticise myself too much, too often and it becomes a weight at times.

Unbearable heaviness of being.

Intellectually I can be very Zen about it but in my body there is anxiety. Fear. It is a deeply rooted thing and my journey towards letting go has lasted this long and I still carry it.

It has made me who I am today.

I should be grateful but I am not.

I don’t like this inner doubt. This gnawing aching sense that all is about to crumble into dust. This shadow that wraps itself around my core.

This is my way. This is my being.

Vulnerable. Scared. Open. Uncertain.

I want peace. I want to sit and just be still. With it all.

I want to let go.

I want with all of my heart to cherish all of ME in all my imperfection.

There is work still to be done.

“The suffering comes when you try to hold onto continuity. Our lives are grist for the mill. Grist for the mill.”  Ram Dass

13 thoughts on “Grist for the Mill”

  1. I’m with you. This Prompt came in WAY past what I am accustomed to. It is nearly 8PM for me. I usually write my post much earlier and fresher in the morning/AM.

    The real point of your post? I share this. I am debating whether or not to even try to write my post tonight. Ugh.

    Thank you for your openness and your vulnerability and your charm. It makes you, the imperfect being that you are, you. You.

    There is no such thing as perfect. Never has been. Never will be. If there was to be perfection, it would last only for a second…if that. Perfection is fleeting. Perfection is, at most, an ideal thought that hasn’t been thought through. Period.

    Damn. There’s my post. 🙂

    1. Thanks again for dropping by with your kind and warm words.The non dualistic view interests me…everything is as it is…perfect and imperfect in harmony…my inner struggle is more to do with very early religious indoctrination and however much I tell myself it holds no sway…sometimes it still kicks in. It’s subtle.

  2. I also wrote my contribution with one eye thinking about a relaxing evening in the armchair and the rest in bed. Nevertheless we wrote, probably because it was there. Nobody is perfect thank goodness. Mr. Swiss does have different imperfections to me, but that is the spice of life, otherwise it would be boring. I just enjoy life as a golden oldie with all its and my imperfections.

    1. I agree. A prompt is a prompt and it did what it was designed to do. I am not sure it would have elicited my response had it not been 1am when I wrote it.

  3. Thanks for visiting my site. I really like your post, I feel the same, as I get older though I am much more accepting of my imperfections, they are after all what makes me uniquely me.

      1. Weird…I could have sworn it said Reviewer Rosie…my bad..it shall be Rose from hereon in 😉

  4. Thinking about imperfections, I’m reminded about how I wanted to become more patient. I’ve heard it said that you should be careful if you ask God for patience because He’ll put you in situations where you can develop it. 🙂 That he did. The work was worth it because I’m so much more content now but it was a struggle at times and I’m still not perfect with it and never will be.

    I think what we perceive as imperfections are often part of what make us unique people and they also give us common ground with others. Overcoming something makes us stronger.

    Hope that all makes sense. All the best to you.

    janet
    P.S. You thought you saw Reviewer Rosie and then I thought it said something about “heroin” instead of “hereon in.” Too funny.

    1. Thanks Janet. It makes a lot of sense…there’s a line in a Waterboy’s song that goes, “Well If you wanna give God a laugh, tell him your plans”
      I am not seeking perfection anymore but the peace which comes with living without it.
      Like I said, It’s all Grist For The Mill.
      Paul x

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