Carpe Diem Tanka Splendor #13 Teika’s Fifth Tanka Writing Technique “Lofty Style” (full moon)
One of the traditional examples of this style is the poem by Fujiwara Yoshitsune (1169-1206) composed on the given theme of “the moon at dawn” in the Shinkokinshū #16:1545:
ana no to o / oshiakegata no / kumonma yori / kamiyo no tsuki / kage zo nokoreru
the coming dawn
pushes open the Gates of Heaven
from the clouds
the moon from the Age of Gods
is an image left behind
Here is my attempt:
moonlit eve falls now
stars begin their cosmic dance
constellations bright
your eyes dark as pools of night
open up to reveal time
img courtesy of Cronus
So romantic!”eyes dark as pools of night, revealing time” brings this moment to almost a promise of a beautiful love affair.
Thank You for your lovely comment. I wanted to try and capture that timeless moment when it all falls together and you just know.
*nods smiling*
Welcome Paul at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai. What a nice tanka you have shared. I sense romance in this one of a higher level. Well done on Lofty Style.
Thank You very much. It was a pleasure to write this one.
You’ve definitely taken it to a higher level, Paul. I love the image of eyes opening to reveal time.
Thanks. Glad you liked it.
I like the first three lines especially and they could easily stand alone as a haiku too.
Thank You.