Haibun Monday at dVerse and Toni Spencer has a prompt for us. The image is mine.
Today I would like you all to write a haibun, true, and only one or two tight paragraphs ending with a classic haiku and to link it up and read other poets and comment. Indeed, many times, the comments received on our poems, at this site, are beyond price, they are free! If you need help with writing a classic haiku (5-7-5 or short-long-short with a seasonal word (kigo) and a cutting word (kireji) that separates the upper and lower kus, you can follow this link: https://dversepoets.com/2015/11/16/japanese-poetry-forms-twins/
I am not talking about free and freedom but free, as in no cost – priceless as well. What has happened to you since Christmas that was free, that was beyond measure or cost? Was it a night by the fire sipping something delicious by yourself or with a loved one (human or animal), a walk in the snow or rain, the birth of a child, writing a poem you were really pleased about, skating on a pond or river, a concert or recital, a hug from a good friend or loved one? The list goes on and on about free things that transform our being.
My walk is intentional. I could smell the mist in the air as I awoke. So off I am, crunching across ice crusted grass in search of light. Light that is always free but not always seen. Blessed by the God Freyr, ‘Lord of the Aesir’, I am stopped in my tracks. Light swords it’s way through the mist as the morning’s warm round offering peeks from behind the trees. Reflections mirror the beauty as a doorway to beyond is opened. I step through.
Winter’s morning light
slicing through the mist of me
no one is witness*
- originally I wrote ‘no one to witness’ and subsequently re wrote it after lovely Mentoring from the Haiku Queen 😉
Oh thank you for this! I love the way you describe the light: swords its way through the mist. And how you describe smelling the mist. It does have a distinct smell just as snow has its own smell. And the haiku is wonderful.
Glad you liked it Toni. I really pared it back and I wanted to work in the Kigo and Kireji with more intention this time. I’m not entirely sure that the last line conveys my full meaning so may re work it. Possibly ambiguous? Always happy to have expert Haiku opinion 😉
Yes, the end is a bit ambiguous but it is also that aha moment required in haiku. I truly enjoyed reading it several times.
Thanks. I originally wrote ‘no one is witness’ so as to include ‘me’ and I think perhaps that works better.Thoughts?
After reading it both ways several times, I am in agreement. it does work better.
I appreciate your thoughts and I will now edit accordingly 😉
I am humbled by your trust in my thoughts on haiku, especially this one.
Dear Sensei, you helped bring these words to mind….
“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.” Shunryu Suzuki
deep bow to you…from the waist with my head my knees….a full proper standing bow….
I am honored.
I love that light swording its way through the mist. I’m no expert on haiku, but this one is really evocative.
Thank You Sarah. I ‘m happy it spoke those words to you.
Nice description of stepping through to the misty lights. I like your photograph as well of this light.
Thank You Frank
Misty and mystical and very Nordic.
Thanks Jane. I love me a bit of Nordic.
Thought you might 🙂
“…light that is always free but not always seen” swording through the mist. I love phrases that draw me away from my chair and into their wonderment. Thank you for that!
You are welcome Bev. I love comments that do the same.
I can’t believe we’ve both written about light, Paul, albeit in different ways. I love the phrase ‘Light swords its way through the mist’ in the prose and then continue with that metaphor in the haiku: ‘Winter’s morning light / slicing through the mist of me’.
Light watchers unite 😉
🙂 ‘Blinded by the light…’
I love the reflections when you open the door to the beyond and the morning light slicing through the mist – a wonderful haibun Paul ☺
Thank You
You are very welcome ☺
And if it weren’t for light we’d have no color! Light is a good topic for this time of the year as days stretch longer in my part of the world.
Thank You.
Love the light, filled with hope and peace ~ And your haiku is exquisite ~
Glad you enjoyed it Grace.
oh that last line is genius. ‘no one is witness’ yet still that gift is yours. exceptional work.
Thank You.
I love the ‘swording of light’, and ‘no one is witness.’ Your haiku is perfection!
Thank You so much.
To me this so especially true in winter when light is scarce, and to meet the light like this is so perfect, also the fact of being truly aware when it comes.
Thanks Bjorn
Your haibun captures a profound moment beautifully.
Thank You very muchly.
This is so beautiful, Paul. Your photo just makes the words absolutely ‘right’. Haunting and unforgettable.
Thanks. Lovely comment.
I some how managed to read this poem without first seeing the image. I’m so glad that I did because it truly held its own without its aid. A very nice bit of prose.
Thank You. Glad it stands up without the photo, which I could see in my mind anyways as I wrote. Twas a magical morning.