Hosted this is Open Link Night at dVerse Poets Pub
You are free to pick ONE poem of your choice to share today.
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This is a work in progress and the theme is the journey into and out of depression. I am not there now. These thoughts are penned from many different experiences and times past. There is a form here that meets itself in the middle..the first line mirrors the last both in image and meter, the second the second last and so on until both threads meet at the mid point. The poem descends and then ascends into and out of this point.Two halves of the same coin…wings of yin and yang. Enjoy the journey.
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dark black void engulfing me
i am lost in this eternity
hopelessness spills from my veins
no more tears
heart shut
from the outside in
vulnerability
no love
out pours silent scream
void unto the void
grow no more
this journey has come to it’s bitter end
i go
stand in the garden of the debris of me
there is nothing here at all
no touch
no sight
no more feeling
no longer any sense of perception
lost and longer lost
there is no core to me
no more joy
no hope
no spark of light to tend to
a cold shadow envelops me
i shiver in this chill dawn
falling away and losing the light of lights
dark black shapeless thing
crucible of shamed me
not even able to surrender
i was completely lost
i gave it all up
no time
i fell and i fell
there was no edge to this sea this
black void
the depths to which I was falling
no one could see
i new it to be
to be true always. always i knew it
‘nothing
this is who you are
don’t waste your time’
it’s as if the pile of dark matter was laughing at me
nothing here
i am the futility
day after day
nothing
there is just nothing here
in this darkest of places
within me
where all that I could see was bad
dissipation of good
smothering me
and nothing it was everywhere
nothing is what I found
nothing to look for in here
eternity
it took a while
searching among the debris
always finding nothing
there was of course a lot of it
debris that is
accumulated piles
of everything i thought was bad
about me
in that darkest of places
there must be something here
something
time after time
i came up empty handed
nothing there
it’s as if the pile of dark matter was laughing at me
‘don’t waste your time
this is who you are
nothing’
i behaved as if it were true. sometimes
most times
i so believed it
others did not
they told me they could see something
something
but when i looked i could not find
i looked and i looked
for years
i never gave up
and one day i found it
a tiny little glowing ember
hidden in the debris
soft warm loving thing
i picked it up and it glowed a little more
i cocooned it in my palms
felt its warmth spread across my being
this tiny little ember
this hope
this small joy
this core part of me
no longer lost
no longer someone else’s perception
i could feel it
see it
touch it
this tiny little ember
here in the garden of the debris of me
a glow
this tiny little ember has begun
to grow and
layer by layer
i let in the love
my love
like making an onion
from the inside out
heart open
tears flowing
gratitude flowing through my veins
i am blessed with this discovery
this tiny little ember
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Paul Scribbles 
Well Paul I like this a lot, you seem to create a spiral effect with this tenderly emotional and evocative writing, which came at me in well sculpted loops. Altogether very impressive
Thank you for the lovely comment Scott.
From abject despair to tiny ember, beautiful words along the way. Well said.
Thanks Beverly.
Dark matter seems like a good metaphor for what causes depression. I am glad you found that ember.
Me too Frank.
I could deeply relate to this having been in deep despair and darkness myself (more than once) and then found a spark…it doesn’t take much sometimes to help pull us back to life and love again. Thank you, Paul, for sharing such a personal journey. I believe it can help others if we share our stories and perhaps give hope. Too, it can be cathartic and help us process our experiences.
Gayle ~
Thank You Gayle for the prompt and connecting me to this piece. I agree that our journey’s shared may be of help.
“The garden of the debris of me” loved this line. How true it feels when one thinks one has cultivated something great only to have it lose its luster.
Thank You Sarah.
Paul, in more ways, than I can mention, your poem describes my own struggles with chronic depression, from a young child to a middle-aged adult, as I deal with my abusive past that I have suppressed for most of my life, until August 14, 2007. Since then, I have been dealing with PTSD flashbacks, anxiety disorders, and prolong bouts of agoraphobia, while transitioning and dealing with my transphobic mom. Am so happy, for you, that you have found that small ember, to grow and heal. Thank you, for your bravery, for sharing this very personal journey.
Thank You Therisa for dropping by and commenting. Good luck with your own journey and just try to keep showing up…that’s all we can do…there is I believe a tiny ember there for us all.
i let in the love
my love
like making an onion
from the inside out
heart open
tears flowing
gratitude flowing through my veins
i am blessed with this discovery
this tiny little ember
Beautifully eloquent!❤️
Bless You Sanaa..always such a supportive voice.
I so love the image of growing an onion from the inside and out… lovely image.
Thank You Bjorn. I like this image too.
“here in the garden debris of me” — a great line both visually and linguistically — poetically. Glad you found the ember ~peace, Jason
Thank You Jason. Peace.
stand in the garden of the debris of me – when we throw all that is hurting and bringing us down, strip ourselves bear and see the debris, we can pick at the good among the trash and build a new me – thats what that line said to me. This was very moving. I see so much care in placing the words and timing the exit of some, thank you for sharing this.
Thank You for your intuitive comment.
I’m happy you could find something good among the debris, some hope to hang onto! We all need that.
Indeed we do Bekkie.